I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize