I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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