cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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