He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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