Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
