he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
