I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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