i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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