the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
