When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
