What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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