I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
