Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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