your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
