Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
