wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
