Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's always time for handjobs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
