I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
