Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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