I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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