either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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