If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Vodka?
Forever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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