So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
