my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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