WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
