I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
