I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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