In the future we'll all be gay
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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