Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
