it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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