She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
