I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just high enough for therapy.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you have feelings for this penis?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
