so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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