he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize