Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
