i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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