Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
