they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
