Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
