dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
