You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
