guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
