And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
