Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
