the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
As shirtless as possible
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
