yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
