My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
