you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize