I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
