So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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