just tell him i said nine months
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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