i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
