I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
