Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
