Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
