fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
