Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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