i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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