Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
