So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
