Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
