she smelled like a LAN party
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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