Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
