Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I forget how to act sober
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