I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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