Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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