Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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