Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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